All she wrote
by slushfox
Summary: I don't know. It's a bit darker than normal. Danny taking in his childhood friend for unknown reasons, and his fight to figure her out, and maybe himself in the process...
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

She tucked her hands deep inside her pockets and tried to make herself as small as possible. It was a fable attempt, the wind still found her, swept right through her and made her blood freeze.

The chill brought back memories of a different time and the pain that seared through her veins was so grueling it almost made her cry out. She shut her eyes as tight as she possibly could, trying her hardest to keep the images from invading her mind, but it was no use, she was already too far gone…

_The sound of the horn, the bright lights, the horrible, crashing, heartbreaking sound of metal against metal. The old blood mixing with the new. The voices, the __loud voices and the piercing pain. A body breaking. A heart breaking. A soul breaking. _

She was standing probably twenty feet away, not being able to force herself to walk any closer. She remained where she was as she slowly lifted her head and let her eyes rest on every single person in front of her. They were so many, so different, yet they had this in common, but to her, from where she was standing, they all looked the same. They had the same look in their eyes when they looked at her, the same pity seeping from their every word, the same ignorance to what she was feeling. She couldn't feel, she was too young, she didn't know how she was supposed to feel about all of this.

That was what they all thought of her and she knew it, she could read all of them so well. If they only knew how little their supposedly comforting words were helping maybe they would say nothing. Maybe they would just shut up and leave her alone.

"I understand this must be hard for you…I know how you feel…"

She wished that they would just leave her alone.

As the wind swept her hair in front of her eyes again she made no effort to remove it. It's just one more wall for me to hide behind, she thought, and just one more thing for them to disapprove of.

She watched as six of them walked closer. She watched them grab the straps and she watched the lower the coffin into the ground. She watched every single moment so thoroughly that she knew that she would be able to replay the day's events in her head for years to come, but she didn't look away. She couldn't look away.

The coffin was lowered slowly and for every inch she felt like a piece of her soul was going with it. It was like someone reached out from the grave and grabbed her heart, pierced it with their nails, gripping and tearing, trying to break it as much as possible.

The only thing though, it couldn't do much more damage to her. She was broken, shattered, and the pieces had scattered in the wind many days ago. She remained, but only as a shell, as a fragment of her old self, of the way she used to be, and at that moment, it felt like it that part of her would stay buried forever.

It took another hour for the earth to swallow the coffin completely and only then could she look away. She had no idea of where she was going or how she was going to get there. She knew that despite everything, she wanted someone to save her. She wanted someone to find the pieces and put her back together again.

She knew all of this but she didn't believe that it would happen. Her faith had disappeared along with that coffin. The last remaining piece had left her and now she was all alone. Completely alone.

…


	2. Chapter one

****

Chapter one

It was raining outside - the kind of rain that made the whole world just a little bit more depressing and turned England into a foggy, wet mess – although this was something that Danny Jones was all too unaware of in his current state. Deep in his post-alcohol daze fuzzy dreams about the night before was all that existed…

A loud, shrill noise suddenly disturbed his dream. Despite his strong urge to stay asleep the sound had already jerked him awake enough to hear the second ring. Refusing to open his eyes he sighed loudly. 'No' he mumbled as he quickly decided that he wouldn't answer.

On the third ring, the sound now piercing through his brain, he groaned out loud, inwardly cursing the person calling for not giving up. Danny made to sit up only to find that something was holding him down. For a fragment of a second shock took over, but as soon as he opened his eyes he remembered that he wasn't alone in bed. He groaned again, louder this time, and realised that he wasn't going to be able to ignore the caller any longer.

On the fourth ring he removed the arm that pinned him down and reached over to the nightstand to retrieve his ringing phone. He fumbled with it, turning it the wrong way before finally pressing the answer-key.

'What?!' He nearly shouted into the receiver.

'Hi Danny' he heard his mum say in a weak voice. 'I hope I didn't wake you'

'You did' he mumbled grumpily as he lay back again, pulling the cover over his head in an attempt to shut the world out. Had he not been so focused on being mad at her for waking him up he might have noticed his mother not telling him off for being rude, and maybe he would have realised a lot sooner that something was wrong.

'I have some bad news' she continued in the same small voice.

Danny's eyes shot open and suddenly he was wide awake. A million different scenarios flashed through his head, each one worse than the other. Within a fragment of a second a stone had appeared in his chest, completely out of nowhere, and with ever erratic breath he managed it only seemed to grow bigger and bigger. 'What?! What's wrong?'

'Ann's dead' his mother answered quietly. 'Do you remember her? The woman I went to school with'

Danny ran his fingers through his messy curls as he processed what she had just told him. He knew he shouldn't be feeling relieved but he couldn't help it. 'Auntie Ann, of course I remember her, what happened?' .

He thought he heard his mother let out a little sigh on the other end and when she spoke again it was obvious to him that she was trying to hold back tears. 'Car crash. Apparently she and her daughter ran a set of red lights and got hit by another car. Ann died instantly.' By now she was crying silently, Danny could hear it on the tone of her voice, and the sound of it was playing havoc with his mind. He searched his head for something comforting to say but came up with nothing, he was still trying to get his head around Ann being…dead.

'I don't know how it could happen' his mother continued 'Ann was always such a careful driver'

'Her daughter, I can barely remember her' Danny said, mostly to himself, while sitting up fully in bed 'Is she- I mean, did she-um?'

'She's ok, more or less' she replied and the instant he heard it he felt a little bit better. Not that things were good, but still, it was something.

'That's actually why I'm calling' she continued when he didn't say anything. 'She needs a place to stay for a while and I, well, I can't do it myself'

'Yeah?' Danny asked completely unaware of what his mother was saying. 'I don't under-'

Before having time to finish his sentence his mother interrupted him. 'Danny…'

For a few seconds nothing was said between them. Danny replayed his mothers last sentence silently to himself before it finally hit him.

'You what? You want her to move in here? Why on earth would that be a good idea?' he asked, both surprised and confused at the same time.

She let out a quiet sigh before answering him. 'I would take her in if a could, and you know that, but it's not possible at the moment'

'But mum' Danny wined, well aware of the fact that he was acting a lot younger than his age. 'I'm 21 for gods sake. I can't even take care of myself, let alone anyone else'

'Danny please' his mum responded quietly and her could tell that she was close to tears again. 'Ann was my closest friend and it's her daughter'

'But isn't she like, eh, my age? Why does she need someone to take care of her? And what about her dad? Why can't he take care of her?' Danny continued unable to let it go.

'She just turned 18, a couple of weeks ago. And her dad's never been around, don't you remember that?' she was quiet for a few seconds. 'There's a lot about her that you don't know Dan'

'Then tell me' he replied in a frustrated tone 'Tell me'

'I can't, it's not my place. It's up to her, and besides' she continued, and he could tell that she was shaking her head on the other line 'I don't even know everything'

Danny listened to his mothers words but he couldn't help thinking that there seemed to be a whole lot of reasons for this, although none of them were very good to him. He had a feeling there was a lot more to the story but that he, for some reason, wasn't allowed to hear it. Had he not been so tired and struggling with a hangover from hell he probably would have pushed it further, but at the same time he knew it wouldn't be any good.

'I don't have a choice in this, do I?' he said with a sigh that he knew meant that he'd already given in. 'Fine. When is she coming?'

'Tomorrow'

Danny fought the temptation to say what he really wanted to say. 'Fine, send me a text with the train times and I will pick her up'

'Danny' his mum said, and he could hear that she was relieved he'd said yes.

'Yeah?'

'Thank you'

Yeah yeah, Danny thought but once again refrained from saying out loud. He racked his brain for the best way to formulate his next question. What was her name? He knew he really should remember that but, it could be either the early morning or his lousy memory in general, which ever, his mind was drawing a blank.

Feeling a need to get the conversation over with he decided to just ask and to his surprise his mother didn't seem to pick up on it. 'What's her name then? And how am I suppose to know what she looks like these days anyway?'

'Lorraine, her name is Lorraine, and you'll know when you see her.'

'Ok…'

'I'll talk to you later then. Bye' his mum said sounding relieved.

He wished that he could say the same about himself. 'Bye…' He hung up and his instantly his head filled with thoughts. Lorraine, he thought as he tried to navigate through the hundreds of images that was flashing in front of his eyes, Lorraine. 'Loie' he said out loud as he focused on a particular image, God it had been a long time. Loie.

Danny lay back in bed and forcefully pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes. An eighteen year old girl whose mother just died. What the hell had he just gotten himself into?

'What the hell did I just get myself into?!' he repeated out loud.

'Who are you talking to?' a groggy voice suddenly said by his side.

Danny looked at the girl lying next to him and he couldn't help but frown, last night it had seemed like a good idea, now all he could think about was how to get her to leave. With a tired sigh he decided to go for the honest approach.

'You need to leave.' he said coldly. 'I have stuff to do today'

'Are you kidding?' the girl asked sitting up.

'No. Why would I joke about something like this?' he asked in the same monotone voice before pulling the cover tighter around him, all in an attempt to shut her out fully.

'Dick' she spat at him and he couldn't help the small smile finding its way onto his lips as the girl quickly gathered up her clothes and slammed the door behind her.

A few seconds later he heard the front door slam shut and he sunk back into his pillows trying to make himself as comfortable as possible. He pondered the events of the morning for a few minutes before he closed his eyes and decided it was no use, he knew he wouldn't be able to process this thoroughly unless he managed to get some more sleep and, if he did, maybe his horrible headache would disappear too.

The sound of the rain pounding rhythmically on the window next to him made him relax even more and it wasn't long before sleep overtook his body completely and he fell into a much needed slumber.

…


	3. Chapter two

**Chapter two **

The next morning came a lot quicker than Danny wanted it to. The second he opened his eyes he remembered what lay ahead of him that day and it wasn't something he was looking forward to. He found it strange, the fact that he was dreading meeting her again, and it was a feeling he wasn't sure how to deal with.

In a way it was like he hadn't really comprehended the situation until he woke up and realised just what he'd said yes to. Even though his dreams had been filled with memories from when he was a child, from when Lorraine was still a part of his life, and the emotions that came with the dreams stayed with him, a part of him had great difficulty accepting what was going to happen.

The circumstances around their meeting were so bad. He couldn't help but wonder what she would look like, if she would have changed much, cause he knew he had, if anything would be the same as it once had been. But at soon as those thoughts entered his head he pushed them away. Nothing would be the same. Ann was dead, and nothing he could do was going to change that fact.

He hadn't gotten over his annoyance with his mother for refusing to explain her reasons for sending Lorraine to him and that led to him still wondering what the hell he was doing accepting this girl into his home. What did she want him to do? He didn't know, and to be honest, he really didn't care. If his mother wanted something specific, other than a room for Lorraine, she would just have to come out and say it. Until then, Danny would provide a roof over her head and food to eat. I mean, he thought as he had a hasty breakfast, what else could they expect me to do?

Despite his predicament he ate his breakfast, got into his car and drove to the train-station to pick up this girl whom he hadn't even seen for more than twelve years. He didn't have the slightest idea of what she would look like. For all he knew, she could be anybody, and he didn't really have a plan of how he was going to find her either, but at this point he was tired of thinking and had settled for just going on instinct and doing.

He parked the car in the carpark and walked briskly towards the main entrance. When he reached the arrival hall her realised that he was late, her train had arrived 20 minutes before he did, and the crowd of people he had been expecting to have to fight his way through was already mixed up with the rest of the people arriving or departing.

He cursed under his breath and looked around him, once again it became apparent that he had no idea of what she looked like and that anyone of the hundreds of people milling about around him could be her. Running a hand through his hair he cursed again, out loud this time. Shit, she could be anywhere, he thought to himself as he went over his options. He quickly decided against calling her name over the speaker-system, cause honestly, who would want that?, and figured that his best chance of finding her probably lay in finding the track where her train should have been and hoping that she would still be there. Hoping being the operative word here.

As he reached track four he noticed a young girl standing alone on the pavement. Her long dark hair had fallen in front of her eyes, or so he first assumed, but as she made no action to remove it he realised that maybe she preferred it that way.

The way she was standing, with her hands tucked deep inside her pockets, made it look like she was trying to make herself as small as possible, as if she was hiding from something, and Danny didn't know whether it was instinct or something else, but he had a feeling that amongst all the other people standing around, she was the one he was after. The enormous bag standing by her feet only added to the impression of her looking lost and lonely.

Danny took a deep breath, trying to muster up as much strength as possible, before walking up to her.

'Excuse me' he said as soon as he was close enough for her to hear him. 'Are you Lorraine?'

The girl lifted her head and the second their eyes met Danny's breath caught in his throat. What met him was the same deep-blue eyes that he'd stared into hundreds of times before.

If he doubted who she was before, this was all the confirmation he needed.

They stared at each other for what felt like seconds but probably only was a blink of an eye. What struck him the most was the fact that the eyes that always used to smile now were clouded over. They seemed almost impenetrable, hiding her true colours, and it made his own hearth ache to see her like that.

He suddenly remembered her objection to the name Lorraine, all those years later and he could probably still recite her whole speech by heart. "I'm not fifty Daniel. Only fifty year old ladies are called Lorraine. I will not talk to you if you continue to call me that". He could so clearly picture the five year old girl standing on tip toes in front of him, raising a finger at his face, and telling him, ever so seriously, not to call her Lorraine. From that moment, he only used his nickname for her, the one only he was allowed to use, while every one else stuck with Lo. Danny remembered always thinking it so strange that such a little girl managed to make everyone call her by a nickname, but then again, she was probably the only one who could.

But that was twelve years ago. This was now. They were different people, and despite having all that history they didn't know each other. They were strangers and Danny had a feeling that he was the only one remembering all of this. Lorraine hadn't even flinched when he said her name. Maybe their history was only history to him.

'Sorry, I mean Lo, if that's what you want me to call you, I don't know…it's been a while and I…' He stumbled on his words, but when she didn't say anything in response his voice faded. It took him a few seconds to muster up the strength to try again. 'I don't know if you remember me, our mums are um…'

When Lorraine just stood there with a emotionless expression on her face, Danny started to think that it was because of his mention of her mother but then he realised that she hadn't said anything to him yet, not even hi.

He cursed inwardly and for about the fifth time that day he wondered what the hell his mother had been thinking sending this girl to him.

'Ehm' he broke the silence between them by clearing his throat, silently pleading for her to say something back. 'The car's this way' he gestured weakly with his hand. 'It's not too far, I guess you must be hungry and tired and, um, we'll be home before you know it. '

Still nothing. Not even a blink of an eye. Apparently she couldn't care less about anything he had to say, and it was starting to get to him. Awesome, he thought to himself and absent-mindedly scratched his head, just awesome. Ten minutes and already he was at loss of what to do. He knew that he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it, he was getting angry. Maybe not at Lo personally, but at the entire situation and he hated the feeling of helplessness that had suddenly overcome him.

His frustration only grew as Lorraine still neglected to even acknowledge his presence. He knew she'd heard him though, since she reached down to grab her bag

'No, I'll get it' He said quickly before she could reach the handle. 'It's this way'

Danny lifted the bag onto his shoulder and set off for his car, not really stopping to see if she followed him or not. At this point he was sick of talking, or trying to talk, and he needed a few seconds to himself before he tried to get her to talk again, which he knew he would even if he didn't want to. And that only made him even more angry, but this time, mostly with himself.

…


	4. pt two

Sorry for taking so long, I thought I'd posted here already :(... Anyway, thanks for the comments, they keep me writing even when I don't really have time for it :D

…

After Danny threw Lo's bag in the back of his car, they both got in and he quickly left the car park and headed towards his home.

It took almost five minutes of complete concentration on his driving before Danny attempted to talk to Lo again. Not that it made any difference. She still didn't respond in any way, and frankly, Danny was running out of patience. Why should he waste his time trying to pry words out of someone who so obviously wasn't interested in talking to him?

'How about some music?' he asked a few minutes later. He didn't know why he even bothered to ask since he knew Lo wouldn't answer, but he couldn't help it, he had to talk. If it was one thing he was bad at, it was silence.

Music filled the car and for the first time that day Danny managed to tune out just a bit. Not enough to change the subject, his thoughts were still on Lo, but enough to actually think things through a bit.

He made a left turn and suddenly realised that they were about halfway home. How the hell had he managed to drive for fifteen minutes without even realising it? He mentally slapped himself as he gripped the wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white. He would not let this girl do this to his head. He refused.

The silence was overbearing. Not even five minutes had gone by and he was back in the same train of thoughts. Even with the music blasting Danny could still hear himself think, and he wasn't really in the mood for that. His futile attempts to get Lo to talk had made no difference what so ever and he was at loss of what to do next. In his normal life he had his music. The one thing that made him complete, made him whole. It was the one thing he did best and he knew it. He did not, however, know how to handle an 18 year old grieving girl. And this was a fact that was becoming more and more apparent by the second.

Thankfully the drive was coming to an end and before he knew it he was pulling up outside his apartment.

'Here we are' he said quickly, more to himself he guessed, since he knew Lo wasn't listening to him. He got out of the car without bothering about her door and headed straight for the trunk.

'Just go on in, the door should be open' he continued with a distant hand motion towards his front door. 'I'll just get your bag'. He knew he was being unfair and cold towards her but he couldn't help it. He just needed a few seconds to himself before he followed her inside and had to start all over again with the talking and no replying-dance that they were doing.

He stepped inside and found Lo standing in the doorway of the living room. He stopped right where he stood, a few feet away from her, and quietly set the bag down beside him. He wasn't sure if she'd heard him enter or not since she was facing away from him, but he had a feeling she was completely unaware of his presence.

Danny studied her back. Her shoulders seemed so tense, like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders, but then again, she probably did. He couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking about.

He could still tell a lot from her eyes, he'd realised before, and he was pretty sure that she didn't know just how much he could see, despite her desperate attempts to hide everything she was feeling. The way she looked now, and acted, had no resemblance to the girl he once knew. Except for the eyes of course, the eyes were still the same.

He couldn't help it. He found it sad. The girl he'd once known had disappeared completely and it wasn't until that moment that he realised that he missed her.

As if something hit him, he suddenly realised that he was staring. He was lost in childhood memories he was sure he'd forgotten long ago, and he shook his head lightly as if trying to rid the thoughts filling his head. He wanted to ask her about…well, everything, but, as she obviously didn't want to talk to him, he realised that it was probably best to keep it inside. After all, he couldn't think of what else to do.

He cleared his throat, and in the process, made her jump. He barely managed to swallow a small smile, at least she was alive and able to react. 'I guess you've found the living room'

She turned towards him and for a split second their eyes met again. At that moment, he knew that she remembered, she just didn't want to do anything about it, and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel about that.

…


	5. pt three

Thank you for the lovely comments. They truly keep me writing :)

Sorry if the spelling is off at times. I wrote it without spellcheck and sometimes I loose letters. I hope it's readable anyway.

…

Danny gave Lo a quick walkthrough of the apartment, barely taking time to stop, and within two minutes they were standing in front of the room Lo would be staying in.

'This is your room' he said as he stepped aside to let her walk ahead of him. 'It's not much. I don't really use it normally but I hope it'll be ok'

As he spoke he looked around him, at the few pieces of furniture thrown in there, and realised just how unpersonal it was. Had it been a different situation this would probably have bothered him, but now, well, he didn't even know how long she was supposed to stay with him. Hell, he still didn't even know why she was staying with him. Didn't she have a normal life to get back to? Or maybe normal was long gone for her these days. Danny didn't know, but he sure hoped she would tell him soon. Her silence was getting to him, in more ways than one, and it was bothering him quite a bit.

He carefully set her bag down at the end of the bed and turned towards her. 'I guess I'll leave and let you to unpack and stuff.' He paused and looked straight at her, only to find her looking at the wall behind him. 'Let me know if you need anything and… um, I'll, yeah. I'll just go.'

After carefully closing the door behind him, he walked into the kitchen and filled a glass with water. Smooth Danny, he thought as he drank it all in one go, real smooth.

He spent a few minutes in the kitchen, trying to talk himself down a bit. It's a new situation, he tried to tell himself. It's going to take some getting used to but it will get better, he reasoned, it would just take time.

A few hours later Danny was noticeably calmer and a bit more positive to the whole situation. He wouldn't say he was happy, but he had accepted it for what it was. Lo wasn't talking to him, and apparently there was nothing he could do about that, for the time being anyway. He'd spent his afternoon in his room, with his guitar, and he guessed that that had helped in the calming aswell.

Maybe Lo didn't want to talk to him, and for the day he was ok with that, but she would have to eat. And food was something that he could do.

He carefully knocked on her door, and opened it slowly when she didn't reply. 'Lo? Everything alright? I thought you might be hungry' he said as he stuck his head inside the room. 'There's dinner in the kitchen'

He couldn't help but feel a bit surprised when she stood and walked ahead of him into the kitchen. He'd half expected to have to run a whole "food is good for you, you need to eat" speech to get her to come. Not that he mined not having to do it, but still, he'd even prepared one.

When he entered the kitchen a few seconds later Lo was standing next to the table, looking down at their dinner. Danny followed her gaze over to the several packs or food standing on the table and suddenly felt a need to explain himself.

'I didn't know if you were a vegetarian or anything so I just got a bit of everything' he explained slowly, hoping that his assumption wouldn't upset her. 'In the future, if there's anything you want just tell me and I'll get it.'

He took a seat across from her and grabbed a plate. 'Sadly I'm not much of a cook but I'm really good at ordering takeout' he said with a small smile. When Lo still neglected to reply in any way, he decided to stop trying and just eat. What else could he do?

In silence, the pair ate their dinner. Within minutes both plates were empty and what Danny had expected to be yet another awkvard moment simply passed them by.

'Well, I'm stuffed' He declared out loud, for no other reason than feeling a need to say it. 'Finished?' he continued, this time to Lo, but without expecting an answer he stood and placed his plate in the dishwasher. He heard the shuffle of a chair and seconds later Lo placed her plate next to his.

Without so much as a second look Lo left the kitchen and moments later Danny heard the quiet sound of her door closing. With a sigh he eyed the mess around him, wondering if he had the strenght to clean it or not, and decided that he didn't. Instead he walked into the lounge and threw himself on the couch to, once again, try to figure out what was happening around him.

A few hours later Danny woke to find the TV still on and with a groan he realised that it was almost one o'clock in the morning. He rose stiffly, leaving his disgarded hoodie on the couch as he absent-mindedly wandered into the kitchen.

In an attempt to wake himself he pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes. What he saw shocked him enough to make him question if he was really awake after all. He let his hands fall to his sides as he turned around and looked at the perfectly spotless kitchen in which he was standing.

He scratched his head, confusion clearly overflowing in his head, until he remembered that he wasn't living alone anymore.

'She won't talk to me but she'll clean my kitchen?' He asked out loud as he made his way towards his own bedroom. He reached his bed and collapsed onto it, fully clothed, and it wasn't long before he was sound asleep again, leaving Lo and everything about her for the next day.

…


	6. pt four

Sorry for the wait. I promise it will all become clearer and more interesting soon, i just have to get through this introbit first. Bare with me :)

…

The phone jarred Danny awake the next morning and he fumbled for it without opening his eyes.

'Uhh' he grunted loudly into the reciever.

'Rise and shine Dannyboy!' he heard his friends annoyingly cheery voice say on the other line. 'It's eleven o'clock. No time for sleep'

'Just for that I'm gonna sleep all day' Danny mumbled in response as he crawled even further underneath his cover.

'Even if I come and jump on you?'

He swallowed a small smile. 'Even then'

'Hm…' He listened to his friend as he hummed to himself on the other line. 'New plan… Candy?'

Danny couldn't help it, his eyes shot open. 'Really?'

'Totally' his friend snickered in response. 'Tons'

'What do I have to do?'

'Show up'

Danny yawned before answering. 'Fine. But there better be loads when I get there'

'As always my sugaraddicted friend. See you at ten?'

'Yup. More or less.'

'Da..' Danny heard his friend attempt as he with a chuckle pressed the off-button and threw his phone on the floor.

He tossed his cover aside and quickly bounced out of bed and skipped on his toes across the freezingly cold floor to his bathroom where the shower was his longed destination.

He stayed under the scorching water for way too long, and after quickly throwing on his clothes he raced into the kitchen where he enjoyed a hasty breakfast, consisting of cold coffee from the night before and an apple.

Not wanting to be more late than he knew he already would be he ate standing and barely had time to swallow his last sip before he knocked on Lo's door. Too late he realised that she might be sleeping, but, as he figured the damage was already done, he slowly opened the door and peeked inside. He found Lo, not sleeping, but sitting on the bed, reading.

'Hi, I hope I'm not disturbing you. I need to go out for a while' he said and nodded towards the front door, quickly realising that he probably looked like a idiot doing just so. 'I have a few things I have to do today, but it shouldn't take too long' 'Will you be ok for a couple of hours?'

From Lo's side there wasn't as much as a look in reply this time. Nothing. Danny decided to take Lo's nothing as a yes though, deciding it was probaly easier that way. 'I'll be back later then'

'Oh, before I forget' he suddenly remembered. 'I'll just leave this one here' he said and held up the key he'd gotten for her. 'In case you want to go out or something...Ehm, I'll just leave it here then.' He finished awkwardly and dropped it on the dresser by the door. As he looked up again he noticed Lo back behind her book and decided to just let her be. Without another word her closed her door and left the apartment.

...

When Danny entered his apartment a few hours later he was in a strangely good mood. Having spent the day with his friends, doing things he really loved, had really managed to get his mind of of Lo, and everything about her, and it wasn't until he closed the door behind him that he actively thought about it again.

He took off his coat and walked the few short steps over to Lo's room. He paused briefly in front of her door as he realised just how quickly he had come to call it just that. It wasn't his guestroom any more, it was Lo's room, and the fact that it had taken only two days for him to think of it as that, was a bit weird. To say the least.

He knocked quietly before, as usual, sticking his head inside. His eyes instantly found her sitting on her bed with a book in her lap. She wasn't looking up and he wasn't sure if she had even noticed him enter the room, or if she was just pulling her usual routine and ignoring him. He took his oppourtunity to look around the room, something he's neglected to do earlier that morning, and the first thing he noticied was the huge amount of books covering the floor. It made him question if she'd even brought any clothes, but then he remembered the weight of the bag and figured that there migth have been one or two items of clothes in there aswell.

'I could get you like a shelf or something for those. I mean, if you wanted one that is' he said quietly. Lo raised her head briefly, looked at the pile next to her bed, and then returned her gaze to the book in her lap.

'Ehm, ok… Oh, and I meant to thank you for cleaning up last nigth, you didn't have to do that you know'

For a fragment of a second Danny glimpsed something small, remeniscing a shrug coming from Lo's direction. But he couldn't be sure. He deicded to take it as one though. A small, maybe-shrug was ten times better than her normal looking at the wall behing him routine.

Without another word he left the room and closed the door behind him. He walked into the kitchen and started to unpack the groceries that he'd bought on his way home as he replayed Lo's maybe-shrug in his head, trying to detangle the whole thing completely.

Danny walked out into the hallway to get the last grocery-bag when he notice Lo with her hand on the handle, about to re-enter her room.

'Lo?'

She paused in her step, signaling to Danny that she was listening. 'Ok..' he mumbled to himself before quickly trying to figure out what he wanted to say to her. He looked down at the bag full of food that he'd bought both for himself, but mostly for her, and suddenly he couldn't hold it in anymore.

'Why aren't you talking to me?' he asked bluntly, before realising his mistake. 'No, sorry, don't answer that, I shouldn't have asked. I just.. well…Is this about me calling you Lo? If it is, I'm sorry ok, I shouldn't have assumed that it was still ok for me to do that' he fixed his gaze on her back, wishing that she'd at least turn around and face him when he was talking to her. 'Listen, I know this is a weird situation, but I need to know what to do. I'm lost here and I have no idea of what to do about anything and I just wish that you would talk to me.'

Lo turned her head slowly and Danny could see a small flash of something in her eyes. It lasted only a fragment of a second and then it was gone. Without anything more, Lo turned away slowly and returned to her room leaving Danny alone in the hallway. It was easy to doubt it, but he knew he'd seen something in her eyes. He knew it. He just didn't know what it meant.

As he walked into the lounge he repeated every single word he'd said to her since he picked her up, looking for clues of why she was acting the way she was, but he couldn't find a single one.

What annoyed him the most was that he didn't even know why he cared if she remembered their history. It wasn't his idea to have her live with him. He didn't know why she was staying at his house, he didn't really know anything about her. Yes, they knew each other once. So what? 12 years was a long time. He had a life of his own now and he wasn't sure how she was supposed to fit in.

He felt like he was starting to repeat that train of thought. No matter how much he twisted and turned it, he still reached the same conclusion, and it wasn't even a good one. It made him none the wiser, only more irritated.

See, there it was again. The same thoughts. Going round and round, making him dizzy with the effort of trying to keep up with them and sort them out. He needed help, he realised all of a sudden, he needed to know why, and there was only one person that knew why.

His mum.

…


	7. Chapter three

Chapter three

Lorraine woke up in shock. Her face was wet with sweat and tears as she fought to regain her breath. Her hand trembled as she reached for the lamp by her bed, and she knocked down both a book and her alarm clock in the process.

With the light finally on she leaned back against the headboard, feeling the ropes around her chest loosen slightly, slowly allowing her to breathe again.

She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, making herself into the smallest form as possible.

Untouchable, to anyone and anything trying to get to her.

She rocked back and forth, eyes fixed on the wall in front of her, calming her self down by taking deep breaths and blocking her memories of the dream, refusing to let them surface and hurt her again.

It was just a dream, she tried to tell herself. And she wished with all her might that that was all it was. A bad dream. She was at home, in her own bed, where nothing could ever touch her. She was safe.

But the unfamiliar walls around her told a different story, a story she couldn't ignore, no matter how hard she tried. She looked around the room, what she was supposed to think of as her room, and felt another tear slowly find it's way down her cheek.

This wasn't her home. And she wasn't safe. She was alone.

She sat in the same position until her limbs ached and her head pleaded for rest. Only then did she lie back down, bury herself in the covers and dare to close her eyes.

The light still on.

…

When she woke the next day, the memories from the night's dreams still lingered freshly on her mind. In a daze she stripped off her t-shirt and changed into normal clothes, opting for jeans and a white top, before quietly leaving her room. Knowing that it was still too early for Danny to have woken up she walked into the kitchen intending to get breakfast over with without him noticing.

She ran her fingers along the kitchen counter, the one polished to perfection by herself the night before, and looked around at the small details that showed that someone actually lived in this place.

Even though she had only been a little girl when they last saw each other she still carried an image of how he'd turn out when he grew up in her head and somehow this wasn't far from it. It was a mans apartment but she could see a few things that showed her that the Danny she had once known was still in there somewhere. From the way he organized his cupboards, the same way as his mum had always done, to the discarded shirts and t-shirts left hanging everywhere, giving a slightly messy impression but probably quite effective for a hasty exit.

She was so lost in her thoughts that it took her almost a minute to realise that her water was boiling. Without thinking she got a cup down from the cupboard to the left of the stove, and then moved to the opposite one for a plate. Her fingers quickly found a spoon and she set it all down before getting the milk and cereal she needed. Despite feeling so completely out of place in Danny's home she found it strangely comforting to know where everything was. She doubted she'd ever tell him that though. In fact, the doubted she'd ever tell anyone anything ever again.

Lo sat down at the kitchen counter, hands around her scorchingly hot cup of tea, ignoring the burning sensation in her fingertips as she aimlessly flicked her way through a magazine. She tried her hardest to focus on the words in front of her but it wasn't long before her thoughts where back to the same topic as before. The nightmares that refused to leave her alone at night occupied most of her day aswell and she couldn't seem to shake them. The darkness was pulling her in every direction possible, except for the one she deep down wanted to go, and it was getting harder and harder to get away from it. It had etched a place in her mind and it was slowly, ever so slowly, spreading inside her.

She hadn't always been like this. Quiet and introvert. Dark. Sad. It was a person she had never thought she could become and yet here she was, so deep in it she couldn't get out.

Before she had always been so sure of everything. Of herself and her dreams and she'd been happy. Now she seriously doubted she'd ever smile again.

What hurt the most was that she didn't even want to be like this, it wasn't a choice, it was something that had been enforced upon her. She couldn't help it, but then again, if she was completely honest, she didn't mind. This mood suited her, it helped her hide and hide was what she wanted most of all. From everything and everyone.

Upon hearing the floorboards in Danny's bedroom creak Lo was brought back to reality once again and she quickly gathered up her cup and plate and, without making a single noise, set them down in the sink. With one last look around the room she carefully slipped out of the kitchen and quietly walked towards her bedroom, wanting to avoid Danny and all of his never-ending questions.

She stopped halfway there, when the sound of Danny's voice reached her. For a second she thought he was talking to her but then she realised that he was on the phone. Eaves-dropping was never her intention, but when she heard her name mentioned she couldn't help it. She stood frozen in the hallway, and despite only hearing his side of the conversation, Lo clearly understood every word that he said.

'It's like she's not even there' Danny said loudly, annoyance overshadowing his normal tone.

'She's so distant…I don't know…staring at walls and such'

'But mum, she won't even talk to me…Yeah, so?'

'I just don't understand why you wanted her to come here? It makes no sense'

'It's so frustrating. I've tried, I really have, but nothing I do seem to matter to her. She doesn't even look me in the eye'

Lo felt like someone slapped her. Hard. She knew she deserved every word he said about her but it still hurt. Why did his words affect her like this? She didn't want to be living with him anymore than he apparently did, so why should she bother? Why shouldn't she just leave and then he could go back to his bachelor life and forget all about her.

'It's just getting to a point where I can't be bothered anymore. And it's been two days mum. Two fucking days!'

A few seconds of silence followed before he spoke again. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to take it out on you'

When Danny's voice sank to a mere mumble Lo walked the few remaining steps to her room before silently shutting the door behind her. She leant against the door and slowly slid down until she was sitting on the floor, arms around her knees trying, once again, to make herself as small as possible.

…

With a loud sigh Danny threw the phone on the couch next to him, feeling a need to take his anger out on it. He slumped further down in front of the TV, allowing the quiet voices lull him into a comfortable daze where none of his current problems existed.

As the quiet click of one door opening and, a few seconds later, the sound of another door closing was heard through the apartment he was too busy trying to keep himself from falling asleep again to register anything.

A few minutes later, as he closed his eyes, he was dead to the world.

…

Lo left Danny's apartment without a single word. After closing the door behind her she paused slightly, but then shook her head. He didn't want her there. She didn't want to be there. It wasn't very hard, was it? She'd just take herself out of the equation. Simple as that.

She walked along the deserted streets, keeping her head down, with determination in her steps. For any passers by she'd be nothing worth a second look. Invisible. Which, ironically, was the story of her life these days.

She walked until the cold was searing through her thin jacket and only when her cheeks began to hurt from being tortured by the freezing wind did she give in and, with a few quiet words, hail a taxi.

Lo reached her destination and without a second glance at the queue outside she walked straight up to the club-entrance. She knew they wouldn't look twice at her, but she still felt even more invisible as the scary looking bouncers simply waved her by, not even bothering to check her ID. Not that she'd done anything to make them suspect that she was underage, but still, a girl arriving alone, maybe some sort of acknowledgment would have been a good idea.

She left her coat and proceeded into the club, past the crowded dance floor, coming to a halt at the bar. The music pounded in her ears, the difference from the quietness outside to the loud environment inside at first overbearing, but it only took a few moments for her hearing to adjust to the volume. There were people standing all along the bar but Lo knew she'd get served without even having to raise her hand. She always did. Not matter how hard she tried to not get noticed, someone always did. Normally, this was something she despised, now, she couldn't have been more thankful for it.

She ordered her first drink of the night from an oblivious bartender while taking a seat at a recently abandoned chair. She took a big sip from her glass, trying her hardest to keep a straight face when swallowing the ghastly substance, but, none the less, she couldn't help the sigh escaping from her lips as the strong liquid burned the back of her throat and giving her the much needed release she craved. She closed her eyes as she kept going, taking gulp after gulp, knowing that the more she drank, the further away her problems would seem, and she wanted nothing more than to forget. The sense of numbness that spread through her body gave her strength to open her eyes again and slowly survey the crowds surrounding her.

A blond guy, standing at the other end of the bar with a couple of guys, caught her eye. He was the kind of guy who seemed convinced that he could watch a girl all night and have her have absolutely no clue of it. Yeah right, Lo thought with a sigh, like someone could miss that. It took only a few minutes of said staring before he, with one last gulp of his beer, began his walk towards her.

'Hi, I'm…'

'Can I have a sip? My throat is killing me.' Lo replied, unbothered by the tone of her voice.

He gave her a quizzical look before handing her his glass. 'Ehm, sure'

'Thanks'

After a few minutes of complete ignorance from her side, the guy seemed to take the hint that she wasn't too interested in talking to him. 'So… I guess I should get back to my friends…'

Lo knew what he wanted her to say but she couldn't care less. Leave me alone was her only thought. 'You do that' she said quietly while facing the bar again with her sight set on yet another drink.

She took a few sips while eyeing the room once more. She focused on the contents of her drink when the spinning of the room threatened to get too much to handle. She was very aware that she was fast becoming way too drunk for her own good, but she just couldn't care. Everything was so distant at the moment. So wonderfully distant. And she didn't want it to stop. It felt toogood to let go.

'Hey pretty' someone suddenly whispered in her ear. Lo automatically jerked her head away only to find a big -I think I'm a lot better looking that I am-guy having positioned himself a bit too close for her liking. 'I'm Mike'

It took her a few seconds to focus on his face, mostly due to her head spinning so fast she felt like she was lying on the floor but, as anger at his forwardness filled her, she managed to sober up just enough to stand up a little bit straighter and almost reach the same height as him.

Since the look of disgust all over her face obviously wasn't helping she opted for the more direct attitude and slammed her drink down on the table next to her. She locked her eyes with his and was just about to give him a piece of her mind when one of his hands came around her waist and pulled her so close she could smell the beer on his breath.

She struggled to get free but sleezeball only seemed to take her squirming as an invite and pushed her harder against the wall behind her.

'Dude' Lo suddenly heard someone say. 'Get off her'

'Who are you?' Sleezeball said with contempt, obviously wondering why someone even tried to talk to him.

Lo's eyes locked with the guy from the bar, who seemed to have grown at least a couple of inches since she last saw him. 'She's with me' the blond guy continued, never taking his eyes of his slightly larger opponent. Despite being a lot bigger than the blond guy, sleezeball backed away, giving Lo enough space to release the breath she'd been unaware of holding.

Sleezeball slowly walked away and it wasn't until he was safely on the other side of the club that blond guy turned to face her again. 'Are you ok?' he asked quickly, worry etched all over his features, the hard look from before vanished in an instant.

'I was handling it' she answered while downing her drink in one. 'I was handling it. I'm fine. I'm fine'

'Ok...' He didn't look too convinced, and Lo knew that her repeating the words "I'm fine" over and over did little to persuade him, but it was the only phrase she could manage at the moment. 'I'm fine' she said one final time looking him dead in the eye.

'I can tell' he said slowly, while shaking his head so slowly it was barely noticeable. 'I'll just leave you alone then'

She should have said something. She knew that but she couldn't. The words that formed in her head refused to come out. Instead she swallowed back a tear threatening to fall down her cheek, and the burning sensation in her throat now had nothing to do with the harsh taste of alcohol.

Lo watched him leave, without a single glance backwards, and then looked down at her hands and realised that they were shaking. She folded them into fists trying to stop the shaking but it was no use. The more she tried the more they shook and it soon spread to the rest of her body as well. Ignoring her stomachs pleas she turned towards the bar once more opting for the release she knew only alcohol could bring.

A few hours later Lo was having a hard time walking in a straight line. She had somehow managed to get from the warm inside of the club to the freezing outside where she was now stood shuddering underneath a lamppost.

The blond guy, who just couldn't seem to take a hint, approached her again. 'Hey, do you want me to get you like, a taxi or something?'

'I'm fine' she said icily, trying her hardest to stare him down completely. 'FINE. What about that word don't you get?!'

'Ok…sorry for asking then' he said, a hint of anger to his tone, as he once again turned his back on her and walked away. Leave, she thought to herself as she huddled tighter in her coat, that's what everyone does anyway.

Lo was alone again. She weighed her options, going home with some random stranger or… going back to the one place where she really didn't want to go.

She looked from left to right before crossing the street heading towards, well, at that point, not even she knew where she was going.

…


End file.
